


Miss Missing You

by na (gintamsa)



Category: NCT
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Breakup, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Sad Ending, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 09:51:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19060240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gintamsa/pseuds/na
Summary: You were the song stuck in my head every song I’ve ever loved





	Miss Missing You

 

_ Don’t panic _

_ No, not yet _

_ I know I’m the one you want to forget  
Cue all the love to leave my heart _

_ It’s time for me to fall apart _

 

He missed him. 

He missed him terribly. 

He knew it was his fault. 

 

_Now you’re gone_

_But I’ll be okay_

 

Jaemin sat in his bed, hugging his knees.  He chewed on his fingernails as  memories flooded like water flowing through a broken dam.

 

_Your hot whiskey eyes_

_Have fanned the flame_

_Maybe I’ll burn a little brighter tonight  
Let the fire breathe me back to life_

 

He remembered everything, and yet everything was so distant to him. 

 

He remembered the all the times he snuck into Jeno’s room by his window. Jeno would quickly lock the door and barricade it with a chair tilted in order to fit underneath the doorknob. 

 

They would dance to the silence of the room, laugh at their past and their mistakes and hold eachother for hours on end, afraid they would lose eachother. 

 

_Baby, you were my picket fence_

_I miss missing you now and then_

_Chlorine kissed summer skin_

_I miss missing you now and then_

 

They would lay in bed, tangled fingers and legs and listen to each others breathing. Sometimes Jeno would talk about school, sometimes Jaemin would talk about work and sometimes they just laid in silence and looked at eachother. But everything was okay in that moment, because they were themselves and they were together. (Even though Jaemin would have to leave before dawn and he would land in the bushes and crush Jeno’s mother’s flowers.)

 

_Sometimes before it gets better_

_The darkness gets bigger_

_The person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger_

 

They would be happy, forever and always. As they always promised. 

 

Until the promise was broken. 

 

_We’re fading fast  
I miss missing you now and then_

 

Jaemin had made the decision to surprise Jeno on their 2nd anniversary. He had prepared a cake, laid out flower petals because he knew Jeno  _loved_ clichées. He didn’t tell Jeno he was waiting at his home for him. He didn’t tell Jeno he saw him walk into the house only to be pressed up against the door and kissed by another man. 

 

_Making eyes at this husk around my heart_

_I see through you when we’re sitting in the dark_

_So give me your filth_

_Make it rough_

_Let me, let me trash your love_

 

Jaemin simply left everything as it was, slipping through the window quietly, accompanied by new tears he wasn’t expecting to recieve. 

 

And now here he was, huddled in his bedroom. Unsure of what to do now

And He missed him. 

He missed him terribly. 

He knew it was his fault. 

 

_I will sing to you every day_

_If it will take away the pain_

_Oh and I’ve heard you got it, got it so bad_

_Cause I am the best you’ll never have_

 

He knew it was his fault because they had been fighting a lot recently, most of the fights were provoked by Jaemin because he was  _scared_ . He was scared  he was a bad boyfriend. He was scared  Jeno secretly hated him and wanted to break up with him. 

 

Jaemin told his fears to his coworker Taeyong, who simply said “you need to communicate in a relationship” and Jaemin knew this was true but he was too scared. 

 

_Baby, you were my picket fence_

_I miss missing you now and then_

_Chlorine kissed summer skin_

_I miss missing you now and then_

 

He was a _coward_ , an insecure man who would never please his boyfriend. 

 

All those wasted nights of touches, kisses. The special moments in which Jaemin felt like the happiest man in the world and he felt Jeno loved him. 

 

_Sometimes before it gets better_

_The darkness gets bigger_

_The person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger_

 

That night on the beach, where Jeno held out a sparkler to Jaemin and said “let’s light this and forget all our problems. Because nothing is ever wrong when I’m with you. I’ll only ever be happy with you. I love you”

 

What a fucking liar. 

 

_We’re fading fast_

_I miss missing you now and then_

 

Jaemin cried, he cried and cried. All of the phone calls from Jeno began pouring in, the text messages spewing apologies although Jeno wasn’t aware of what he did wrong. 

 

Until hours later, when Jaemin finally fell asleep and he was awoken by loud banging on his door and wailing. He opened it knowing. Knowing it was who he once loved. 

 

_Now and then_

 

Jeno stood infront of him, hair sticking everywhere as if he had attempted to rip it out of his scalp. 

 

Jaemins lip quivered at the sight of him distraught. 

 

“Baby... what happened?” Jeno cried, attempting to pull him in for a hug but was quickly pushed away.

 

_Now and then_

 

“I saw you. I saw him kiss you. I know your dirty little secret Lee Jeno” Jaemin yelled, lunging his fists towards Jeno’s chest. “Why would you do that to me? Make me believe you loved me when you love him”

 

“That’s not true. You know that’s not true. I only love you. You are the only one for me in this world. I’m only happy when I’m with you. Remember?” Jeno pulled Jaemin in by tugging the material of his shirt

 

Jaemin cried out, pushing him away for the last time. 

 

_Now and then_

 

“Fuck you Lee Jeno. Stay away from me. I don’t fucking care what you think anymore. You wasted 2 years of my life making me believe you were in love with me. I was in love with you. I’m in love with you. But I can’t stand to see your face anymore” Jaemin yelled, wiping away his tears harshly. 

 

“I’ll do anything. Anything Jaemin. Just tell me what you want” 

 

_Baby you were my picket fence_

 

“I want you to erase everything I know about you. Everything I remember about you. All of the moments we spent together. I want them all gone”

 

The door slammed, and Jaemin walked back into his room. 

 

Leaving behind that door his ex-lover, the man he devoted everything to. The man he loved so dearly for many years. And all of his memories of him, the bittersweet feeling of giving him a final goodbye kiss when Jaemin left for college, the love he felt after their first time, when Jeno held him so tightly on the seashore and swore to take good care of him until they both died. 

 

All of it was thrown out into the bin. 

 

And Jaemin swore to never love again. 

 

_I miss missing you now and then_

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I just love fall out boy and nct


End file.
